I’ve never thought of my son, Dean, as tough.  He’s sensitive in a way that little things that really aren’t a big deal set him off.  (Note to self, what things were a big deal when I was two?)  And once he’s going, there is no recovery.  Think uncontrollable tears, crying so hard there’s gagging, no rationalization, and no consoling.  Often times I think, “Dean.  Really.  This is embarrassing.” but what does a two-year old boy know about embarrassing?

What I will tell you is that my image of Dean as the opposite of tough has been changing recently.  Case and point, he just started learning to ride a tricycle the past week.  To put this in perspective, Kate didn’t start riding this thing well until three and a half; Dean is two years and two months.  It’s way too big for him but he does amazingly well…for the most part.  He’s fallen over three times that I’ve seen.  There may be one brief burst of a cry but five seconds later, he gets right back up, gets back on, and rides that thing over and over again as if nothing happened.  I could not have imagined this happening a year ago.  One fall would have been at least fifteen minutes of crying…no joke.

I had a recent experience where I could see firsthand how unbelievably uncomfortable life must be when Dean has an allergic reaction.  For an 8-day period in August, I had multiple days of unexplained allergic reactions which were quite frankly, debilitating at times.  I had so many hives and constant itching, I felt miserable, couldn’t focus on anything, tried hard not to claw at my skin, frustrated at what was going on, and sleep-deprived since I was being woken up by itching two or three times a night.  To summarize, I was in the ER twice in 6 days, once when I had profuse hives covering most of my body except parts of my face and feet and another morning when I woke up with hives, my lips were starting to swell, and I was feeling a tightness in my throat.  I left the ER the second time with a prescription for an epi-pen…like son like mom?  Thankfully, I never filled it as Dean’s allergist said it was triggered by a viral infection she’s been seeing going around lately.  Who knew?!

Anyway, Dean had another reaction on Monday last week at daycare when he was accidentally fed a wheat tortilla.  No matter how many times you go through this, that feeling of panic and worry hits me every time.  We’ve gone through it enough times that I generally feel safe that he’ll be OK but I just feel so bad that he has to go through all of it, especially as he gets older and is more aware of what’s happening.  Having recently experienced more significant allergic reactions myself, I kept thinking, “Remember how awful you felt?  That’s nothing compared to what he goes through.”  The staff immediately gave him Benadryl, administered his epi-pen, and called 911.  Because they administered epinephrine early before any symptoms started, I took him to urgent care for the first time.  The symptoms starting setting in around the 45-minute mark as the wheat made its way through his system: some redness and a few hives.  I had a moment of panic when his face got so red and swollen, I thought he was having problems breathing.  He was breathing really heavy through his nose and his voice sounded funny.  I called the doctor back in and had him recheck his lungs which thankfully were fine.  It was likely because his face was just so swollen.  Overall, I was grateful that his allergist updated his emergency plan to administer epinephrine immediately upon known consumption because overall, it staved off a more severe reaction this time, which was great.

I have to say Dean was a champ!  He let the first response team check him, the nurses and urgent care doctor poke and prod him, give him medicine (steroid and pepcid), and he was cooperative and calm during all of it.  Zero crying.  He had moments where you knew he was not doing well.  He’d zone out and not want you to touch him, talk to him, etc. where I think he was focusing on getting through whatever it was his body was feeling, something I haven’t seen him do before in his younger age.  I’ve often heard that adults who are in anaphylaxis get this feeling of panic when they realize they might have eaten something they shouldn’t have, like they sense that something bad is about to happen.  Seeing him this way, I can very much see how this is possible.

The highlight of the urgent care visit was when Kate shyly said to the doctor, “I love you” out of nowhere when he was in the middle of talking to me.  The nurses were in hysterics.  Before he could restart, Dean belts out a loud, “I’m two!” and I thought, yes little man, you are, and I’m so incredibly proud of you for being so strong during all of this.

Nothing that a little “Frozen” at urgent care can’t solve

Unfortunately, we were back in the ER again tonight after inadvertent ingestion of sunbutter.  This is the first time we’ve had to give him an epi-pen for sunflower seeds.  Understandably, this time he wasn’t quite as strong but how can you blame him?  He’s been epi’ed twice in ten days, been living on medicine for most of the time in between, and probably just done with it all.  Now having a better appreciation of how hard it must be when he goes through all of this, I’d be done with it too.