It’s hard to believe it’s been a month since Dean started his toddler room.  Moving up from the infant to toddler room brought, with it, a new list of decisions to make.  Different from the infant room where all the kids eat and sleep on their own schedules, everyone eats meals together family-style and sleeps during one set naptime.  For example, the toddler coordinator asked if we wanted the center to order a special high chair for him so that he could have food on his own tray away from the other kids.  His primary caregiver asked if there were any materials/supplies that he shouldn’t play with because of his eczema, e.g. play-doh, bubbles, finger paints, etc.  All things I had never thought of before.

You could also sense a little uneasiness during our transition meeting (where you meet with one of the caregivers from the new room and discuss your child’s routine, personality, things to be aware of, etc. before his/her transition to a new level).  I’m sure there was heightened awareness considering his analphylactic reaction a couple of weeks prior to his move.  A friend of mine had said, “They’ve got to be so nervous.”  I think that summarizes it well.  All these parents trust you with their children while they go about their days at work.  One minor accident or miss, a child ingests an allergen, and you feel responsible for sending them into distress.

I told everyone that our biggest wish is just to have Dean fit in as much as possible with the other children, striking a delicate balance between ensuring he’s safe but not being overly protective to the point where he feels singled out, isolated, or different in a negative way.

We didn’t want the high chair and asked if he could sit with the other children as much as possible.  If it didn’t work, then we could adjust or reconsider later.   They resolved this by pushing 2 tables together to form the shape of an “L”.  The majority of the children sit around one end of the L while Dean sits by himself at the head of the other end of the L.  When I saw this one day, I instantly felt a ping of sadness.  He looked so alone eating at the end of the table by himself.  But a couple days later when I had to stop by during snacktime, I had a much different perspective.  The kids were eating muffins, and it literally looked as if little bits of muffin confetti had been shot out of a cannon everywhere – all over the table, floor, kids’ hair, shirts and hands.  Kids were walking around while the teachers were trying to get them to sit down, they were passing food to their neighbors or grabbing it off their plates.  You name it, they were doing it, and all I thought was, ”That’s 1000 pieces of food he’s allergic too.  No wonder why they asked me about that high chair, and no wonder why they’re nervous.  I don’t feel sad at all at the thought of him eating at the head of that table.’  In addition, Dean LOVES that chair; it’s HIS seat.  It’s funny to see how excited he gets about routines now: going to get his toothbrush when we say it’s time to brush his teeth (and sometimes hilariously putting his finger in his mouth and moving it back and forth while making noises to walk to the bathroom), giving kisses to everyone when we say it’s time for bed and immediately heading for the stairs.  So when you say, “Dean, do you want breakfast?”, he walks straight to his chair, pulls it out, and sits down.  He knows exactly where he’s supposed to go, and he absolutely loves it.  It actually makes me smile to see how excited he is about it.  And if any other kid starts heading toward it, he literally stands there frozen and starts talking REAL loud.  It’s his way of saying, “Don’t even try to sit in my chair kid.  That’s mine.”

A couple of days before he started, I looked up the ingredients in play-doh.  And there, right on the website, was allergen information about the product containing wheat.  ‘If your child has a allergy to wheat, we do not recommend  use of this product.’  Who knew?  Through a facebook group I belong to, someone sent me a resource with common daycare/school supplies that contain allergens.  Did you know that some of those non-toxin paints contain egg whites?  It brought back memories when I’d pick up Kate, and she’d have leftover paint all over her mouth.  It’s a very different vision when the ingredients that make them non-toxic for kids are toxic to your own.

Thank goodness his teachers had the foresight to think about this.  I cannot say enough great things about the kids’ daycare in this regard.  They have been SO extremely supportive of him and our family.  It’s absolutely unreal but here’s some other examples.  I sent an email to the Health and Safety coordinator with a few links, told her I’d call her to explain, and left a voicemail.  The next time I saw her, she had already figured out where I was going with my email and had taken action on all of it.  She reviewed the daycare/school allergen supply list mentioned above against all their supplies and and confirmed that no others contained wheat or eggs.  Assuming that there were other kids in the center that were allergic to wheat, I had also sent her a link about a wheat-free “play-doh.”  She had already ordered 3 tubs of it and apologized for only ordering 3 colors.  Are you kidding me?  When I thanked her and explained that other kids who were allergic to wheat could use it too (this didn’t make me feel so guilty of my request), she said, “Oh, he’s the only one who’s allergic to wheat.”  This shocked me – there are over 400 kids in the center!  How is he the only one?  That also puts things into perspective for us.  She confirmed by skimming her database.  “Yup, lots of other allergies, mainly peanuts and tree nuts, a few eggs and dairy, but no wheat.”  Wow.

This kind of individualized attention reaffirms how much we love our kids’ daycare/school.  Did I tell you that they sent me an email 3 weeks ago telling me that his epi-pens were expiring at the end of the month if I wasn’t aware?  Again, are you kidding me?  Especially when I see some of the care that other people’s kids with allergies receive through the facebook group I belong to.  Scary!  It’s great to see our little toddler growing up so fast and safe.