I knew this day would come, eventually.  The dangerous thing is that the further removed you become from the last allergic reaction or series of rough periods, you almost forget how severe they really can be.  One quick call can change all that.

I knew something was wrong when daycare called me on my cell phone and it was L again (the center director).

“Jennifer?”

“Yes.”

“This is L.  Dean’s having a reaction.  We just gave him Benadryl and have the epi-pen ready to give him.”

“What’s going on?”

“He’s breaking out into hives all over.  He’s itching like crazy.  We just gave him lunch.  He must have eaten something.”

“OK, I’m heading right over.”

And just like that, I dropped everything.  And I burst into tears.  I told one of my employees I was leaving, to have the admin look at my calendar and take care of it, and to tell someone else to cover this huge meeting I had with 15 people from 6 different groups that had taken one month to schedule.  At that moment, I cared about one thing and one person only.

When I got to daycare, Dean was visibility upset.  He actually didn’t physically look as bad as I expected but my point of reference was that initial day back in January which was really bad.  The symptoms, however, were very different: swollen lip, hives all over his face, extreme itchiness.  I held him for about 5 minutes wondering if we should give him the epi-pen and thinking about all the articles that tell you to use it if in doubt and still second-guessing.  I noticed his eyes were starting to swell, and he burped.  I thought, he’s going to throw up and throw up he did.  Everywhere.  Projectile.  And at that point, we said, that’s it.  We’re calling 911.  Give him the epi-pen, and so I did.  I flipped off the blue cap, laid him across my lap face down, held my arm across his back, and plunged it into his upper right thigh.  Surprisingly, I was quite calm.  He screamed when it went in, and I counted to 10.  As soon as I was done, I picked him up and held him tight, and then, the tears started flowing…again.  “I’m so sorry honey.  This is for your own good.”

911 showed up within 5 minutes.  It’s amazing what that epi-pen does.  Within that time, all of his hives went away, his lip and eyes were back to normal, and he was a completely different person.  He was happy and smiling and cold.  The paramedics checked his breathing and stayed for 30 minutes to ensure that he wasn’t going to regress.  I was worried about how cold and clammy his hands were but they assured me he was OK.  They told me it was my decision whether to send him to the hospital for observation or to follow up with his pediatrician.  He seemed very OK at this point, and I was confused on what to do.  I know that the epinephrine can wear off and a secondary reaction can still occur because the allergen is still present and his body is still reacting.  I called the pediatrician for advice. She said I could come in 1 1/2 hours later for monitoring.  So I refused transport to the hospital.  There were 3 response teams, 6 paramedics, 4 administrative staff, 3 care givers, and 1 security officer for this little 21-pound kid.  Unreal.  One of the ladies recognized him from the call in January.  I really hope they don’t get to know him by name!

Dean feel asleep on my shoulder.  He was exhausted despite all the epinephrine.  And it was an extremely beautiful moment.  I really needed to be getting ready and heading to the doctor, and I just sat.  Literally sat, physically and mentally, for the first time in weeks.  Forgetting about the fact that I should have been presenting at that meeting and solving problems.  Forgetting about work, to do lists, logistics, email, my phones, and just sat.  Rocking with my “baby”, resting cheek to cheek, and thinking about how precious he looked sleeping, just like the first couple of days in the hospital.  You realize in moments like these how much our little people need us and how there’s no one better than mom when you feel awful.

The pediatrician gave him a precautionary steroid, prednisone, to ward off any secondary reaction for the next 24 hours.  We’re on watch for the next 48.

Despite the craziness of the day, I actually feel better having been through it.  I feel more prepared to use the epi-pen, know what signs to look for, and know what I can expect, however keeping in mind that every experience will be different and that the reactions tend to be more severe each time.

It’s also a good reminder of how real his allergies are and the precautions we have to take.  We do know that the source was wheat flour which was in the tomato soup he ate at school, a mix-up that occurred with his menu.  I hold no one at fault and am grateful that his daycare staff was around and able to walk me through that epi-pen administration.  I feel fully equipped to respond if and when the time comes again.  I’m sure, like today, it’s just another matter of time.