I knew this day would come, eventually.  The dangerous thing is that the further removed you become from the last allergic reaction or series of rough periods, you almost forget how severe they really can be.  One quick call can change all that.

I knew something was wrong when daycare called me on my cell phone and it was L again (the center director).

“Jennifer?”

“Yes.”

“This is L.  Dean’s having a reaction.  We just gave him Benadryl and have the epi-pen ready to give him.”

“What’s going on?”

“He’s breaking out into hives all over.  He’s itching like crazy.  We just gave him lunch.  He must have eaten something.”

“OK, I’m heading right over.”

And just like that, I dropped everything.  And I burst into tears.  I told one of my employees I was leaving, to have the admin look at my calendar and take care of it, and to tell someone else to cover this huge meeting I had with 15 people from 6 different groups that had taken one month to schedule.  At that moment, I cared about one thing and one person only.

When I got to daycare, Dean was visibility upset.  He actually didn’t physically look as bad as I expected but my point of reference was that initial day back in January which was really bad.  The symptoms, however, were very different: swollen lip, hives all over his face, extreme itchiness.  I held him for about 5 minutes wondering if we should give him the epi-pen and thinking about all the articles that tell you to use it if in doubt and still second-guessing.  I noticed his eyes were starting to swell, and he burped.  I thought, he’s going to throw up and throw up he did.  Everywhere.  Projectile.  And at that point, we said, that’s it.  We’re calling 911.  Give him the epi-pen, and so I did.  I flipped off the blue cap, laid him across my lap face down, held my arm across his back, and plunged it into his upper right thigh.  Surprisingly, I was quite calm.  He screamed when it went in, and I counted to 10.  As soon as I was done, I picked him up and held him tight, and then, the tears started flowing…again.  “I’m so sorry honey.  This is for your own good.” Continue reading →

The following weeks after we found out what Dean was allergic to were intense. The first week, we had to give him Benadryl 5 out of 7 days because he had some sort of minor allergic reaction (hives) despite our elimination of the known allergens. Four of those times, daycare called me in the middle of the work day. Whenever I saw its number pop up on my phone, my stomach dropped because I thought they were calling 911 again. I’m in meetings about 6 hours a day and am often running them or presenting. I didn’t know whether to drop everything and step out or if they were calling about random stuff, Dean fell and hit his head but he’s OK, etc. I finally had to tell them to call my work cell for emergencies only, like he’s having a severe reaction, and to call my desk phone for all other issues.

Of course, when your kid is living off of Benadryl, you think, “Are their other things he’s allergic to that we just don’t know about still?” This is ridiculous! I started to keep a diary of what he ate and symptoms to see if there were any patterns. After that, we religiously introduced only one new food at a time, testing it 4 full days, before we introduced the next item.

I also called the allergist with lots of questions, mainly to gage if administering Benadryl 5 times during the course of a week was just what life was going to be like now or if this was unusual. She was anything but helpful. She was condescending and rude and was practically yelling at me on the phone. I almost hung up on her at one point (of course, there would have been some words said there too!). She could have cared less that I was concerned, worried, and confused. I told Matt that step one was to find a new allergist.

It felt good, however, to make some decisions and start putting things into motion over the next few weeks. Continue reading →

After Dean’s original trip to the emergency room in January, we had to wait two weeks to go to the allergist for testing.  He was on prednisone for the next five days to eliminate the symptoms of the allergic reaction.  They want to make sure all of the medicine is out of his system before adding a possible allergen back “in.”  As a precautionary measure, his daycare doesn’t allow children who’ve had a severe allergic reaction to return without clearance from a doctor.  Since the reaction can be life-threatening, they need to know how to respond in the event of another emergency.  So the next morning, we saw his pediatrician.  There was a LOT of paperwork: allergen information, emergency response plan, 2 medicine authorizations, and 2 medicine administrations.  In the future, we were told to administer 5 mL of antihistamine (Benadryl) in the event of a minor allergic reaction, e.g. hives, flushing, etc.  We were given a prescription for an epi-pen.  She showed me how to use it (they give you a practice one) and was told that from now, we are to carry both with us at all times.  (We actually carry 2 epi-pens because you want a backup if one doesn’t work and you are supposed to administer a second dose if the response flairs up again or if the symptoms don’t subside after 5 minutes.)  She told us to use the epi-pen if Dean was having a severe reaction, e.g. significant hives, repeatedly projectile vomiting, trouble breathing, etc.  When in doubt, she told us to use it without hesitation, right through his clothes, and to call 911 immediately after.  An allergic reaction can significantly progress in just a matter of minutes and many children die because someone was nervous that the reaction wasn’t severe enough to use.  (I just read a heart wrenching story about a mother in a facebook support group I belong to whose 14-year old son died because she wasn’t sure and tried to get to the ER herself).

I was emotional for the next several weeks, crying at random times when I least expected it, going through everything that happened that Friday.   Continue reading →

I’ve been able to see things in a new light the last couple of weeks.  Most of it was fueled by a nice visit to Hillsboro, IL, a small rural town between Springfield and St. Louis where my grandma lived.  She passed away last summer but the family is in the process of selling her house.  It was a nice girls weekend with my aunt, Kate, and me and gave me peaceful closure being there one last time.

Things are always a slower pace when you’re back in Hillsboro.  There is a simpleness to the town but people seem happy, know their neighbors, and you never get the sense that they feel like they’re missing out on all the grandiose things that a large urban city like Chicago brings.  Being there always provides a much needed relief from the hustle bustle of everyday life.  There is also a comfort that I experience when I’m there, sort of a home away from home.  Given the weeks leading up to the visit, I was certainly looking forward to having a few days away from work and some down time to really evaluate life – to sort through all the various thoughts I’ve been feeling about where I’m ‘stuck’ or unhappy.

It was also a time to remember my grandma and how grateful she always was for whatever life brought her.   Continue reading →